Self abandonment is the opposite of being "true to yourself". The self that is abandoned is the distraught and desperate, yet honest and true child. That child, the True Self, is left behind. Sacrificed.
It becomes necessary to abandon the True Self in order to survive; the true and innocent, natural, and beautiful self, in order to survive, so the panicked child thinks. What are my options? What are my resources? I have none...except..........myself.
Do and say what will keep you safe, regardless of your true feelings and thoughts, and likes and dislikes. Keep "two sets of books". Calculate your actions to "earn" your membership, to justify your existence. That's all you can do...you're five years old.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Saturday, February 1, 2014
The Origin of "Codependence"
It is my observation that this "spiritual disease of self abandonment", the dysfunction that I am concerned with and addressing here, is rooted in an experience of a young person, let's say "child" here, but I have seen the same in teens and young adults. They experience a threat which they perceive as a matter of life or death, and over which they feel they have absolutely no control. Fear, panic, obsession, and desperation ensue.
A child who is lucky enough to have the ability to do so, devises and implements a coping mechanism using the only thing they feel that they do have control over, that is, themselves. A work of genius, I think. The child has no other resource, other than themselves, to secure themselves in what is, in their perception, a matter of life and death. Their perception may not be the reality, but, regardless, the fear and panic of a child in a life and death situation is what they are experiencing. They trade themselves for security and safety. They abandon themselves in their effort to relieve their fear, panic, and obsession. They abandon themselves in an effort to ensure that the person who does have the resources will provide security and safety. They abandon themselves to ensure that the person who does have the resources will take care of them. I have observed three major threatening circumstances that, I estimate, result in 80% of "codependent" suffering that I have seen: 1) Abandonment. Physical and Emotional, as well. 2) Sexual Abuse 3) Death of a loved one. (The trump card.)
A child who is lucky enough to have the ability to do so, devises and implements a coping mechanism using the only thing they feel that they do have control over, that is, themselves. A work of genius, I think. The child has no other resource, other than themselves, to secure themselves in what is, in their perception, a matter of life and death. Their perception may not be the reality, but, regardless, the fear and panic of a child in a life and death situation is what they are experiencing. They trade themselves for security and safety. They abandon themselves in their effort to relieve their fear, panic, and obsession. They abandon themselves in an effort to ensure that the person who does have the resources will provide security and safety. They abandon themselves to ensure that the person who does have the resources will take care of them. I have observed three major threatening circumstances that, I estimate, result in 80% of "codependent" suffering that I have seen: 1) Abandonment. Physical and Emotional, as well. 2) Sexual Abuse 3) Death of a loved one. (The trump card.)
Sunday, January 26, 2014
What's in a Name?
I wish there was another term to use to refer to this "spiritual disease of self abandonment" other than "codependence". I have seen and heard debates about whether codependence is real, if it is a "disease", whether it involves a reaction to an addict, and so forth. I understand that, in some circles, it may be important to label and classify, but, to me, this is a moot argument over semantics. Talking heads and gurus posturing.
The condition, and I have seen it referred to as "outer-dependence", and "the human condition", I think is very real, and I "classify" codependence as a tragedy. What it is called, how it is classified, and such, do not make any difference to me. What makes a difference to me is my recovery and what I can do to aid the recovery of those who are similarly afflicted.
The condition, and I have seen it referred to as "outer-dependence", and "the human condition", I think is very real, and I "classify" codependence as a tragedy. What it is called, how it is classified, and such, do not make any difference to me. What makes a difference to me is my recovery and what I can do to aid the recovery of those who are similarly afflicted.
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